tag:dreamwidth.org,2010-02-07:477341bindexpressionbindexpressionbindexpression2010-02-08T16:51:45Ztag:dreamwidth.org,2010-02-07:477341:4251.2010-02-08T16:51:45Z2010-02-08T16:51:45Zpublic0It's hard to look at myself in the mirror and not think horrible thoughts. To not wish bad things toward myself. <br /><br />I'm having thoughts of myself being disgusting, thoughts that will not seem to disappear. I don't even like myself when I try to make myself look presentably; I feel like I'm trying to shine coal.<br /><br />I know I'm starting to work on a more healthy lifestyle. And I know that beginning is pretty much the worst part: If I can make it past this, I can make it. Period. But until I get past this first part, I'm going to hate myself. <br /><br />My goals:<br />- Tackle sodas. I'm down to drinking one a day. Yesterday, I drank more than that. But for the most part, I'm drinking one a day. I'm not going to drink any today. But I get headaches without caffeine so we'll see how that goes.<br /><br />- Tackle junk food. I pretty much only eat fruits now for snacks. And I've found some organic cereal I like and some rice cakes that aren't completely horrid. Hopefully soon I can work on actual meals. I'm pretty much just not eating now, but that's making me cranky.<br /><br />- Tackle exercising. My schedule is wearing me out already, which is sad because I'm rather free this semester. But once I get some good shoes and clothes, I'm going to at least use the walking DVD I own. When the weather warms up, we plan on going on walks together. And I could use the university's gym anytime I want.<br /><br />It's just wanting to do it.<br /><br />I like staying at home too much, though.<br /><br /><img src="https://www.dreamwidth.org/tools/commentcount?user=bindexpression&ditemid=425" width="30" height="12" alt="comment count unavailable" style="vertical-align: middle;"/> comments