bindexpression: (Default)
2010-02-08 04:51 pm

1.

It's hard to look at myself in the mirror and not think horrible thoughts. To not wish bad things toward myself.

I'm having thoughts of myself being disgusting, thoughts that will not seem to disappear. I don't even like myself when I try to make myself look presentably; I feel like I'm trying to shine coal.

I know I'm starting to work on a more healthy lifestyle. And I know that beginning is pretty much the worst part: If I can make it past this, I can make it. Period. But until I get past this first part, I'm going to hate myself.

My goals:
- Tackle sodas. I'm down to drinking one a day. Yesterday, I drank more than that. But for the most part, I'm drinking one a day. I'm not going to drink any today. But I get headaches without caffeine so we'll see how that goes.

- Tackle junk food. I pretty much only eat fruits now for snacks. And I've found some organic cereal I like and some rice cakes that aren't completely horrid. Hopefully soon I can work on actual meals. I'm pretty much just not eating now, but that's making me cranky.

- Tackle exercising. My schedule is wearing me out already, which is sad because I'm rather free this semester. But once I get some good shoes and clothes, I'm going to at least use the walking DVD I own. When the weather warms up, we plan on going on walks together. And I could use the university's gym anytime I want.

It's just wanting to do it.

I like staying at home too much, though.